Boys, Toys and Ploys
by Eight Horcrux
Summary: Sirius and Remus have access to a young Harry and Lucius convinces Severus to come babysitting. The boys accidentally meet up and all sorts of mishap and adventure ensues. AU. [Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Lucius Malfoy, Sirius Black, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy]
1. I

_So, this story is _AU _for so many reason, lol, and at times the boys will be OOC, for obvious reasons. It is also something which I hope will bring you a smile or a laugh when you need it most. It came from some dark place in my mind and demanded attention, so here's to reading what goes on in my head. _

_Main Characters: Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Harry Potter. _

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**Boys, Toys and Ploys**

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Severus eyed the scattered looking elder Malfoy with a very cautious look; one which ultimately betrayed the words that left his mouth: "You're going to be fine, Lucius. How bad can it be?"

"How bad – how _bad?_" Lucius barked, resting his hands either side of Severus' desk and loomed over him with a foreboding look. The potion master cocked a dark brow in interest; his face remained placid and stone like. "I'll tell you how _bad _this is, Snape. He's crazy, soft in the head – mad! He's going to eat me alive, Snape, and there's _nothing_ I can do about it; no spells, no potions, no restraints, because she's been _very _specific about managing him."

"Now, Luciu-"

"I'm telling you now, Severus, when you come looking for me, it will be a _body_ you find…not his of course," he added with a slight softening to his tone. "He is my son, you know."

"I know," Severus agreed, folding his hands in front of him and raising both eyebrows now. "Might I suggest something?"

Lucius pushed himself from the desk and sat into the leather armchair facing his old friend. It was on a complete whim that he sought Severus' advice, for he knew the snarky potion master had no experience or desire to experience the problem that was ailing him today. He could have gone elsewhere – Crabbe, Goyle, Parkinson, Zabini ; he knew that either of the four had far more experience in the area than Snape did, but that would mean he would need to accommodate for _their_ children and one was enough. No, Severus Snape was definitely the best option.

"I would suggest that you simply talk to your wife about what ails you," Severus said matter-of-factly. "I am not the most socially adept human being, Lucius – by choice, let me assure you - but even I would recommend you converse on that matter."

Lucius smirked and Severus was sure he saw a hint of knowing flash in the Malfoy's grey eyes. That was the thing about the Malfoy clan, he had always said it – they wore Slytherin in their hearts but Gryffindor on their face; they never could help but display their emotions.

"Do you doubt me?" he finally asked, irritated at Lucius' knowing looks.

"No, of course not," Lucius said disbelievingly and with a casual shrug. "This is just typic**a**l of you, that's all."

"Excuse me?"

"Well you were never one for relationships, were you?" he stated, now toying with the arm rest of the chair. "I mean, dare I mention-"

"_Don't_!"

"Exactly."

Severus glowered across his desk; his fingers twitched very near the sleeve where he concealed his wand. _I should toss this bastard out on his arse right now_, he thought,_ land him on his pathetic behind in front of the whole of Hogwarts and warn him away from my doorstep unless it's a funeral invitation._

"I didn't mean it that way," Lucius chanced after a moment, picking another hole in the sponge he had unearthed from beneath a loose stitch on the leather armchair. "I just meant that romance…no, consistency, isn't your forte."

"If you are referring to the incident with _Bulstrode_, Malfoy, I was thirteen! Let it go!" Severus snarled.

"Alright, alright," he smirked, raising both hands in defence.

"And stop picking holes in my chairs!"

"Duly noted."

Severus left a frustrated sigh escape his lips, but continued to glare at the blonde man before him. He sat too rigid for this to be a casual meeting and too slack for it to be serious. Lucius was an old friend of his; they had met in school and the older man had looked out for him in ways he had later learned to regret. They had a strained history, a very dark past together and it wasn't one they chose to revisit. That didn't stop them from socialising occasionally and though neither man would admit it, they actually enjoyed one another's company.

"I can't offer you anymore advice," he finalised, reaching across the table to a roll of parchment he had been grading before being disturbed. "Considering this isn't my, ah…area of expertise."

"Severus, stop that at once!" Lucius clucked and flicked a strand of hair over his shoulder. "You're being childish now. Look, I'm going to be honest with you; I could have gone to multiple other people with this issue, that oaf Crabbe and that baboon Goyle, for example, but I chose you instead."

"It's lovely to know you keep my standards raised above those two. I should be so privileged," he drawled, only just biting back a snarky remark that Lucius had best get used to childish behaviour because it was coming his way like a freight train.

"Let me finish! I could have gone elsewhere because they would have understood. I didn't though because parenting isn't about understanding, per say; it's more about _getting_ it…if you understand me?"

"I thought you said it wasn't about 'understanding'?"

"Don't start," Lucius bit, shooting him a glare. "You are a teacher in a school full of children and you must be good at it if you haven't been fired yet. You don't understand them, you just _get _them."

Severus sighed and pushed the parchment away in defeat. His fingers found the bridge of his nose and he squeezed gently, moving them down his face and eventually settling them on his chin. "Are you asking that I physically help you, Lucius?"

"I might be…"

"Then I might be declining."

Lucius leaned forward, his tone now on the verge of pleading – _how unMalfoy of him_. "Severus, I don't ask for favours very often, you know that. If I can avoid having to owe anybody anything then I will, but I'm willing to sacrifice that moral code and put myself in your debt."

Severus barked a laugh, reaching for the parchment again and shaking his head. "You almost me had there, I'll admit that. You let yourself down when you wattled on about your moral code."

"There's nothing wrong with my moral code," Lucius defended in a haughty manner.

"No, nothing," Severus murmured darkly, docking a point from Ellie Pudstone's essay when she misspelled cauldron for the second time.

"Fine," Lucius sighed, pushing himself from the chair. "You win. I lose. I'll do this myself."

"It was lovely seeing you."

"I'll let myself out. Please don't stress yourself on my behalf."

"I appreciate your kindness. Good day to you, Lucius."

"Yes…next time then. I'll try and write before then should circumstances allow. I'm sure all will be well."

"Positivity, old friend."

Lucius humphed softly, almost reaching the door before turning on a final whim and staring over at the hunched potion master, who was now scribbling a series of red notes on the foot of the parchment. "You're a good frien-"

"Oh do be quiet, Malfoy! I'll help you look after Draco. Merlin, you almost stooped so low that you could have turned your ancestors in their graves with your own hands."

"Wonderful!" Lucius beamed, straightening a degree in both posture and air. "Narcissa is leaving at 2pm on Friday. Shall I expect you then?"

"Yes, yes. Close the door on your way out," he shooed him away, then quickly called after his retreating back. "And I do _not_ want the room on the third floor. That mattress has a loose spring that my back is still paying for after last time!"

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_Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoyed it, or at least smiled, even if only to be kind.  
__To Come: Remus, Sirius, the Dursley's and the object of someone's desire. _


	2. II

**Sirius/Remus**

"_This_ is our opportunity, Remus. We have _got_ to be practical about it," Sirius explained for the fourth time since they had stepped off the bus and arrived in Surrey.

"Yes, Sirius; I agree with you, wholeheartedly," Remus told him for the fourth time since they had arrived in Surrey and rounded the corner into Little Whinging.

"Right then, once we're on the same page _nothing_ can go wrong." He clapped his hands together in a vigorous rub and bit his bottom lip. "What if they tell us to fuck off?"

"Christ, Sirius! If you talk like that they will tell us to fuck off."

"Mind your fuckin' language," Sirius smirked, giving the wolf a quick wink and strode a pace or two ahead of him. "Come on, move it. That poor child probably can't wait to see me."

When they arrived at the neatly kept house that was No. 4 Privet Drive, Sirius turned to his best friend and heaved a nervous sigh. "We can do this, can't we, Remus?"

"Of course we can," Remus told him with an encouraging smile. He gave his friend's shoulder a tight squeeze and nodded to the small entrance gate. "Age before beauty."

Sirius smirked and nudged his way through the gate. It had been some time since he had seen this house, walked this path...it had been a very long since he had last thrown eggs at these windows with his other best friend, James Potter; but that had all been some time ago and things were different now. Now there was Remus to think of and Harry to care for and social services to convince.

"Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin," the middle aged social worker greeted. "Do come in."

"Call me Sirius," he smiled with a wave of his hand. "Remus has told me a lot about you. I apologise that I couldn't make our last meeting – nasty case of stomach flu." He shook her hand and leaned closer to her ear, all the while not failing to notice how very beautiful she was. "I couldn't make it from the toilet seat to the shower, never mind having to come all the way to Surrey!"

Behind him Remus cleared his throat and interrupted any further rambling. "Thank you for inviting us over, Ms. Sue," he said, guiding her gently down the hall as if she were leading him. "We have been very anxious to get any sort of updates."

"And updates there will be," she giggled, fanning herself when he smiled and allowed him to push her into the living room.

"What were you thinking!?" Remus growled, pinning Sirius to the wall in the entrance hall.

"What?"

"_Stomach flu_?" he hissed, furrowing his brow in disgust. "Not a cold, or a job interview, or maybe even an _arrest. _No, you to tell her you had the _shits!_"

"I panicked, Remus! I'm nervous. There's a lot riding on this and your foul language is throwing me."

Remus glowered down at the shorter man, debating whether he could get away with nudging him between the legs without causing a scene; he tactfully decided against it. "Just relax, alright? Dumbledore hand-picked this woman, so you can be sure she's going to report everything back to him."

"What's her name anyway?" Sirius asked, peering around Remus' arm and into the living room where she sat and spoke with Vernon and Petunia Dursley. She was a slim woman with a well-rounded bosom and hips; her legs were long and Sirius liked the way her calf muscles stretched athletically in the short beige heel she wore. Her blonde hair was turned neatly into a top knot, not a single hair out of place, save for a few neatly positioned strands that framed her face. And her face, oh, Sirius thought that she had the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Her cheeks bones, perfectly high and rosy, complimented her dainty nose, full lips and well lined eyebrows.

"Her eyes," Sirius mumbled and a strange glaze crossed his face. "There two colours – blue and brown. What's her name?"

"Mary," Remus clucked, scowling at his idiotic expression. "Mary Sue."

"Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin? Do come in!" Mary Sue beckoned with her clipboard from the chair she was perched daintily on.

They crossed into the room, smiling politely at the Dursley's and sat on the couch opposite them. A tray of coffee and cheap biscuits had been put on the table between them; Remus half suspected the Dursley were attempting as much of a show as they were. Excellent, he did love a good debate!

"Gentlemen, I'm so glad that you could make it," Mary Sue began in her sweet voice. Remus stood on Sirius' toes in warning. "I understand that you've been taking young Harry fortnightly for the last year. How has that been for you?"

"Wonderful!" Sirius declared. He didn't need to lie about that. Ever since Pettigrew Rat had betrayed the Potters, he and Remus had fought hard to see Harry. Dumbledore had insisted the child have no contact with magic until the right moment, but with much persistence, anger, pleading, guilt and sherbet lemons, the old man had agreed to visitation rights. "He's such a bright young man. You should see him on his bike now – just the one stabilizer! And he's already reading words and he's so excited to start reading The Tales of Beedle the Bard!"

"And Mr and Mrs Dursley…" Mary Sue beamed over at the wary couple with an inviting look; when they said nothing she continued with a scowl. "Vernon and Petunia, I should say. How are you finding Harry when he returns from these visits? Have there been any thoughts for concern?"

"He's using… _it…_a lot more when he comes back from seeing…_them_," Petunia sneered, craning her neck back as if trying to distance herself as much as possible from the three magical adults.

"I assure you that is all perfectly normal for-"

"NORMAL!" Vernon bellowed, his moustache twitching violently. "There is nought normal to say for that behaviour, _Ms. Sue._"

"Mary," she corrected, her eyes flashing quickly in Remus' direction. "And if you had let me finish, I was going to say that it is perfectly normal for a _magical_ child to exhibit such displays of uncontrolled energy."

"Harry should be allowed to use his magic," Sirius argued, toying pointedly with the outline of his wand in his pocket. "It's his right, Dursley."

"And what about my rights, hmm? Those were thrown down the drain when that little freak was dumped on my doorstep by _your _kind."

"Say that to my-"

"If I may interject!" Remus called with a cough and sharp stare in Sirius' direction. "I understand your frustrations Mr. and Mrs. Dursley. Nobody is claiming that anything Harry is doing is normal considering your status, and I can only thank you for doing what _my_ kind were unable to do. However, there are positives to Harry utilising his magic more so than normal – and just let me say this, he genuinely cannot help it; but by allowing him to do so freely in our presence he is releasing any built up elements he cannot release here."

"A very good point," Mary Sue gushed, taking some notes on her clipboard. "Of course when Harry turns eleven and is accepted to Hogwarts he will then be expected to control his magic, but until then it is pretty much a fee for all."

"Those are my concerns," Petunia affirmed with a sniff. "I have a young boy to protect too."

Sirius cast a glance at the pink beach ball in the photographs around the room. He was sorely tempted to pass a remark on the brats likeness to a piglet, but settled for sneering at the Dursley's instead.

"Well then today's discussion might ease your mind a little," Mary Sue smiled. "Professor Dumbledore has agreed to allow Harry to have over-night stays with Sirius and Remus. He has told me personally that he feels it may be of some benefit to Harry, if he were to be around familiar faces."

"Good," Petunia sniffed again, tightening her grasp on the edge of her skirt. "Is that all then? Do I need to sign somewhere?"

"Right here, the both of you." Mary Sue shoved a document across the table and both Dursley's hastily scrawled their signature across the bottom. "And Sirius, you sign here as his legal godfather," she said, then inched a little further off her chair and rested the documents on Remus' thigh, taking care to place her wrist just slightly on his knee. "And Remus, you need to sign too as you're actively involved."

"That's it then," she announced, securing the document to her clipboard and putting it into her large red handbag. "Harry will remain here for the rest of the week and you can collect him on Saturday for an over-night stay, and again on Wednesday. Other than that, we're done!"

"Can I see him now?" Sirius asked, rising and peering into the hallway, half hoping the child would magically appear.

"He's napping," Petunia said, picking up the tray and forcing him into the hall. "I don't want to wake him."

"Can't I just _see_ him then?"

"No," she called over her shoulder. "Good-bye."

"Let it go," Remus warned, guiding him to the front door, Mary Sue in tow. He turned to her as they closed the door. "Thank you for arranging this. It means a lot to us."

"Anything for you," she giggled, touching his arm. "I'll pay a house visit soon – it's mandatory, don't worry. Until then, have a good day, gentlemen."

The familiar sound of apparating shook Sirius from his daze and he grinned up at Remus. "She's a looker, isn't she? D'you think I've a chance? If I clean up I mean." He scratched his unruly beard thoughtfully. "Anyway, that was a good out-come, Remus! I still want to drop that bastard Dursley one, but Harry's more important than that. Three days, old boy," he muttered, casting a glance back at the house in hopes he might see a small, dark haired little boy looking back, but none did.

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_Thank you to thos_e _of you what have taken interest in this...whatever this is, haha.  
To come : Severus gets a surprise and we find ourselves in Malfoy Manor. _


	3. III

_A huge thank you to the interest that has been shown in__ this piece of ... writing? I hope it puts a smile on your face because I know it makes me smile. Get reading then; Severus and Lucius are waiting for you!_

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Severus Snape sneered the entire way up the entrance pathway. The pebbles beneath his feet crunched noisily and he kicked a few at a stray peacock who dared get too close. The Malfoy's always did themselves proud; _rightfully so_, he thought. If he had that much money he would probably blow it on the odd peacock or two as well. Or maybe pack his career in at Hogwarts if he thought Dumbledore wouldn't drag him back kicking and screaming.

"Peacocks?" he scorned when Lucius met him at the door. The elder Malfoy stood next to a snake skin suitcase that Severus equally loathed the look of; he toyed with his waist coat pocket and produced a pipe.

"They're not mine," he defended, striking a match above the briarwood pipe and supping the flame across the tobacco. "They're Draco's. The mother-in-law sent them over as an early birthday gift."

Severus scoffed, eyeing the elegant birds roam across the extensive garden to his left. "I'm not sure that's practical," he murmured, smirking when one stumbled slightly. _Not as elegant as you look, Malfoy bird. _

"Between you and me," Lucius whispered and cast a quick glance over his shoulder, then leaned closer to the other man. "He's been sitting on their backs since they arrived. The one that keeps stumbling is terrified of him!"

Severus supressed a chuckle and lowered his bag to the floor, dipping his hands into his coat pocket. He did like coming to Malfoy Manor; who was he to complain about being waited on hand and foot? It made for a change to the chilly dungeons at Hogwarts and the even colder rooms at Spinners End. Contrary to popular belief, Professor Snape did not like cold and murky scenery; it reminded him of darker days and he didn't like to dwell.

He thought it a pity that he was only around for the weekend; having argued with Albus to no end to be allowed leave the grounds so close to the end of term; he wished he could milk the situation just to annoy the old man.

"Dobby!" Lucius bellowed suddenly and from within a loud crack a startled looking house elf appeared.

"Master called Dobby?" the elf said in its high pitched voice.

"Dobby, take Severus' bags to the third floor. Make sure his room is comfortable."

"Yes, sirs," the elf bowed to his master and bowed to Severus too, then picked up his bag and vanished in another crack.

"Blasted elf is getting unreliable! Remind me to deal with that lat…what are you scowling at now?"

"The third floor, Malfoy? I've been clear that I am _not _sleeping on that bed again. Those springs are lethal!"

Lucius waved his friends ramblings away, supping his pipe again and blowing a cloud of smoke near his head. "Relax, Severus. I took your ranting serious… how could I not after the second letter?" he muttered darkly. "The elves removed the mattress and put a new one down especially for you."

"Good. You were very close to flying solo for a moment," he drawled.

"I commend you for keeping your word, Severus. You always were trustworthy," Lucius said. He suddenly pivoted on the spot; pulling the pipe from his mouth so quick Severus would have questioned if it had ever been there, and murmured a quick vanishing spell. "Darling!"

Severus scowled at the platinum blonde woman who clicked her heels across the marble hall – Narcissa Malfoy. She was elegant, classy and Severus hated to admit it, but if he had been interested in women he would have said she was pretty. What she had perfected in physique though, she lacked in character and Severus found her to be a snooty and boring woman. Lucius didn't know of his feelings of course and informing him would be social suicide. Severus was no fool though; all too aware of the Malfoy's social status and just how impeccable having them as friends was to his social standing.

"Good afternoon, Narcissa," he greeted with a stiff incline of his neck. She returned the gesture with a short and forced smile. _Stuck-up bitch._

"Lucius, I've left everything you might need in your study," she said, slipping into his open arms with a flutter of her lashes. "You'll know how to reach me if you need to, sweetheart."

"Anything for you my lady," Lucius said and his voice was rich with seduction. Severus rolled his eyes and turned to watch the lame peacock amble after the others. "I'll see you in a month, darling. Have a wonderful time."

They exchanged a brief moment of passion and Severus was sure if he had not been present that it would have led somewhere inappropriate. He waited until the crack of apparition had resided before swirling on his heel and grabbing Lucius' cravat. "A _month!_" he spat, not caring if he strangled the man on his door step and was hauled to Azkaban.

"Severus, it's not all that-"

"You mentioned nothing of long term arrangements, Malfoy, you slithering old fiend!" he shouted and pushed past the man into the hall, making his way to the study.

"Now, Severus, let me explain," Lucius chided and closed the door behind them. He allowed his friend search through his liquor cabinet, restraining the urge to take the aged bottle of scotch from him – he had been saving that for a special occasion.

"I'm not even mad," Severus decided with a casual shrug after taking a slug of the scotch. Lucius would beg to differ as he tried to untangle the cravat that had tightened significantly around his throat. "And I'll tell you why – I won't be here for the month. I simply can't be."

"You're abandoning me?" Lucius puffed.

"Not in such harsh words, no. I've got classes to teach, Malfoy and you know this. I've also got exams to look over and reports to file. I just can't be here. So, no, I'm not abandoning you as you put it…I'm just not bothering to entertain you."

"Severus, don't do this," Lucius whined, filling his own tumbler and chanced an enticing flick of his grey eyes.

"I'm not doing anything other than what I said I would. I will remain here for the weekend and Monday morning I will return to Hogwarts." Lucius flopped onto a green leather armchair with a sigh. "Your dramatics won't work," Severus added, pouring another scotch.

"I'm not trying to make them work!" Lucius snapped, cringing when he realised how that sounded.

"I was just making sure."

A piercing cry echoed from outside the study door and Lucius groaned heavily. "Great, he's awake now," he muttered, setting his tumbler down and bellowing for Dobby.

The elf slipped through the study door, a flustered expression clouding its features and Severus was sure the elf would have been sweating, but he wasn't sure if house elves even could sweat.

"Yes, sirs?"

"Calm that child, Dobby. I need to get some things finalised in here and I can't be disturbed. Don't make me have to come out," he snarled, tossing his tumbler at the elf, which caught it skilfully. "Wash and polish these too. I won't be shown up in front of my guests with stained glassware. Now!"

"Yes, master," Dobby shrieked, flopping from the room.

"You see what I must live with?" Lucius grumbled.

"You live very fine, Malfoy. Seize your bitter whinging," Severus warned and banished his own glass, hoping it wasn't cherished because he had no idea where things went when he banished them. "I will be at Hogwarts during the week. When I can spare an evening then I will floo here and assist you. Otherwise, I cannot be much more help to you."

"That will do grand," Lucius thanked him. He summoned another tumbler and poured them a less valuable brew. "I appreciate this, my friend. I could never live with myself if I had agreed to allow Narcissa's mother care for Draco - that old hag would have never let me live it down! To the coming adventures!" he said, tipping his glass to Severus, who immediately regretted every agreeing to anything.

"UNCLE SEVERUS!"

He had enough time to shield his crotch before a tuft of blonde hair slammed into his stomach. "_Omph_!".

"Uncle Severus you're here! You came," Draco chirped, stringing his arms around the man's waist. Severus hoisted him up with a hesitant smile. "Father says you wouldn't 'cause you're too busy brewing useless potions and that you didn't like comin' around and that you were just goin' to be miserable and-"

"Draco!" Lucius barked, stamping his foot. "Shush, please."

"But you said that he'd be too busy sticking his nose in-"

"DRACO!"

Severus glowered over the tiny blonde's head. "Well, Draco, sometimes your father goes a little mad in the head. It's what happens to old people."

"Mother says he gets better with age," Draco explained, twisting one of Severus' many buttons. "I don't know what she means though."

"Count your blessings then," he grumbled, looking at the heated Malfoy elder with distaste.

"Draco, go play in the garden; the peacocks look lonely," Lucius commanded, picking Draco from Severus' chest like one would a soiled nappy.

"But you said not to sit on them anymore!" Draco snapped, crossing his arms moodily. "And asides, I'm staying with uncle-"

"DOBBY!" The elf appeared with a startling crack and a grimy wash cloth across his shoulder. "Take my son to the peacocks. Keep him busy, elf."

"Yes, sirs. Come, young master," Dobby squeaked, inching close enough to the fuming child, whose face was now twisting into a risky mask of daring boldness.

"**I. SAID. I'M. NOT. GOING!**" Draco screamed, flailing his arms against Dobby's grasp and leaving an echo of a tantrum when they crackled from the room.

"One would think he was stubborn the way he behaves," Lucius clucked, sipping brandy and ignoring the dirty look that Severus shot at him.

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_Let me know what you think and also if there are any scenarios you'd like to see the boys in.  
To come: Sirius makes himself pretty and Harry is adorable. _


	4. IV

_Sorry for the delay guys, life got involved and kicked up a right fuss, as per usual! I hope you enjoy this nonetheless!_

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"Do I look desperate?" Sirius asked, smoothing the front of his shirt over his pants. He had trimmed his beard and groomed his moustache into neat points.

"Are you sensitive to honesty at the moment?" Remus smiled, positive that he was tasting cologne in the back of his throat each time he inhaled. Sirius was always one for dramatics.

He narrowed his eyes. "I want to make an impression, for Harry, you know?" he half lied, brushing a loose curl from his face.

"Of course," Remus grunted, rustling the paper open. "I'm sure Harry will appreciate your cologne; very musky, real manly. Toughen them while their young kind of thing. "

Sirius grinned and chanced a glance in the mirror behind Remus' head. He did look good, if he was to be honest; in fact he looked handsome. He had the Black genes to thank for that, they always did have pretty offspring.

"You're going like that, right?" he affirmed, casting an eye over Remus' worn jeans and jumper.

The werewolf peeked over his newspaper with a challenging look. "I was actually hoping to borrow your scent. Mind if I try it?"

"You wouldn't like it," Sirius dismissed, brushing imaginary dust from his sleeves.

"I'll use that blue one you own; remember you bought it in Diagon Alley a while back? That one smelled _irresistible_," he purred and ducked behind the paper at Sirius' choked reaction.

"We don't want to overwhelm Harry with too many scents, Remus. Children are sensitive to things like that. I thought you would know better by now." He picked a lint ball from his trousers and flicked it across the room.

"Yeah, sensitive," Remus snickered, turning the page. "Why are you ready so early? It's 9am."

"I thought we could be there a bit early. What's that muggle saying?" Sirius mused, scratching below his chin. "Ah! The early bird digests the worm!"

"The early bird _catches_ the worm." Remus rolled his eyes in disdain, folding the paper and stretched into the back of the chair. "Anyway, the second mouse gets the cheese, right?"

"What do worms and cheeses have in common, Remus?" Sirius scoffed, turning away to preen his eyebrows. "You're talking nonsense now."

"Sirius!" the tiny speckled, black haired boy squealed, breaking Mary Sue's grip and bounding down the garden of No.4. Sirius lowered himself enough to capture Harry in his arms.

"It's so good to see you again, Harry," Sirius laughed into the mop of black hair below his chin. "You look even taller than last time I saw you!"

"I'm growed up now," Harry declared, cocking his chest proudly. "My teacher says I've grown a whole _centipede_ since Christmas!"

Sirius barked with laughter, ruffling Harry's hair and pushing himself up right. "A whole _centimetre_, squirt. Centipedes are these long, wriggly, slimy, billion legged potion ingredients. _Bleugh_!"

"Don't turn him against the subject so soon, Pads," Remus scolded, giving Harry a trusting wink. "It's good to see you again young cub." He leaned down to hoist Harry into his arms and then crossed the lawn to greet Mary Sue.

"Remus," she smiled, bending slightly at the knee. He hair was loose today and flowed majestically around her shoulders. There was a twinkle in her eyes; Remus wouldn't admit it while she was there, but she did have a very intriguing stare. He might mention later when he got Sirius home, just for fun. "You look so comfortable with a child in your arms," she said questioningly. " I'm sure you make a wonderful father!"

He chortled and shook his head. _Women_. "No, not just yet. I like to think that I'm still in my prime – young and free!" He cast a sidelong glance at Sirius whose attention had roused following that comment.

"Oh well then, perhaps you shouldn't leave it too long," she giggled, swiping at his shoulder gently. Her nails were marbled today, with a pink and silver design. Remus would have frowned at them if he hadn't been interrupted by Sirius.

"I've been trying to set him up for years," he announced, plucking Harry from Remus' arms. He beamed at Mary Sue, cocking his head enough to expose his neck. There was no sense in using his best cologne if he wasn't going to flaunt it. "Will you be calling tonight then? For that house inspection you were talking of?"

"No, Mr. Black. That will be a spontaneous visit," she said, staring at him steadily with no hint of admiration or flattery. "Before you go, there are rules."

.

* * *

.

"The nerve of that woman!" Sirius complained, rounding the corner out of Private Drive. "How _dare_ she suggest that I would do such a thing!"

"You have to admit that your attire today suggested otherwise," Remus smirked, wrinkling his nose when he took another whiff of the suffocating cologne that ponged from Sirius' neck. They had Harry between them, holding one tiny hand each to prevent him from falling as he vaulted over the cracks on the pavement.

"So I'm to be victimised for wanting to look neat?" snapped Sirius, readjusting Harry's over-night bag on his shoulder and then scowled ahead once more.

"You were not victimised, for goodness sake – Harry don't stamp on snails, please – and if it's any consolation to your pride, I think you'd do a grand job of picking up a woman like that," Remus said when they stopped by the bus stop.

"I would _never _bring some stranger around, Harry," he snipped, petting the boys head. "And that woman should be ashamed for even thinking I'm that type." Sirius tucked his hands under Harry's arms and lifted him onto the wall he had been attempting to climb, securing him with an arm around his waist. "And my pride is fine, thank you very much."

"Why are you pink?" Harry asked, raising a tiny palm to rest it against his uncle's cheek.

"I'm not pink, Harry," he grumbled, deepening another shade and leering over at Remus.

"Yeah you are! Your face is even pinker now!" Harry declared, bringing his free hand to rest against Sirius' other cheek and squashing his uncle's face into a fish like pout.

"Shtop laughin' Wemus," Sirius mumbled mid squash and then plucked Harry's hands away with a soft smile.

"THE BUS IS HERE!" Harry bellowed, bouncing against Sirius and attempting to scramble off the wall. His little feet couldn't climb onto the roaring bus quick enough and he tripped against an elderly lady's trolley, ignoring her scolding comments as he hoisted himself up the stairs of the double decker, leaving Remus to apologise and Sirius to struggle with the ticket machine.

"Look we're driving!" Harry laughed, holding the railing on the front seats and peering out the giant windscreen. Sirius chuckled and sat next to him, making the appropriate sounds of gas pedals, air breaks and opening doors each time they stopped. They passed the journey to Grimmauld Place with laughter, talks of the evening ahead, and Sirius even managed to entice a young couple into a rendition of the 'The Wheels on the Bus'.

"Home at last," Remus huffed when they arrived, kicking the door open and hanging his keys on the hook. "Don't forget to ward the door, Sirius."

"Harry, do you want to do some magic?" Sirius asked, kneeling down and producing his wand from the leg of his pants.

Harry's eyes widened and he nodded, mouth agape and gaze fixated on the slender piece of wood between his Uncle's fingers. Harry loved coming to his Uncle's house for a lot of reasons: he got hugs and kisses, cuddles and snuggles in bed, Sirius played rough and tumble with him and Remus read him stories; but what he always looked forward to most was being allowed to play magic with Sirius.

"Don't give him the wand, Sirius," Remus groaned, unbuttoning his cardigan. "You saw what happened with the curtains last time."

"Rubbish," Sirius scoffed, placing Harry's hand over his own much larger one.

"I can do it, Uncle Remus!" Harry assured, bouncing on the tips of his toes with urgency.

"Move your hand with mine then, Harry, and we'll make sure this old dust bucket stays safe," said Sirius, muttering the incantations quietly while Harry spewed his own nonsense; he beamed up at Remus when the wand emitted a stream of red sparks.

That evening, the trio nestled together on the plump sapphire couch in front of the television. Remus sunk into the cushions, legs stretched and ankles crossed; his right hand rested against Harry's small stripy socked feet, which were perched on top of his hip. Every now and again, Remus would dip his fingers into a bowl of popcorn that he balanced on his legs and crunch noisily; he couldn't recall happier times than these.

Sirius leaned into the back of the couch, his feet perched leisurely on top of the coffee table and his left arm squashed behind Harry's back, whose head was resting against his leg. The small boy's gentle snores made him smile and in that moment, when it was just the three of them – no Dursely's, no social workers, no Dumbledore – Sirius wished he could freeze time and remain there forever.

.

* * *

.

_Let me know what you think and thanks for being here!_  
_To come: Severus tells us a bedtime story, chaos commences over a bucket of toys and Lucius likes to gamble. _


	5. V

The weekend had come far too quickly for Severus' liking; something he thought would never be possible since he had taken up teaching. As he dragged his pitiful-self up the gravel walkway to Malfoy manor, he wished he could be anywhere other than Whiltshire: a meeting with Dumbledore while the old sod fussed over lemon drops that had stuck together, a history class with Binn's, an appointment with his hairdresser who whined endlessly at his lack of conditioning – anywhere!

But then the peacocks appeared, looking more frayed than usual; the bandy legged one had developed a twitch every time the others startled, and Severus had no choice but admit that he was here for another two days. Grumbling up the steps, he had little to no time to knock on the door before it was yanked open and a tired looking Lucius Malfoy greeted him with a grunt.

"You look…fabulous," he smirked; the blonde's hair stuck out peculiarly at the back and his collar was a little ruffled. "I like what you've done with your hair."

"Don't start," Lucius snipped, slamming the door behind them. "It has been a long week, Snape; one in which you seemed unusually preoccupied during." He led them to the day room where a small fire crackled.

"Formalities, you know?" said Severus, waving his hand dismissively. "I've boarded up my fireplace since Dumbledore figured his way around my wards. The man's a nightmare during allergy season."

Lucius glowered at him.

"And anyway, have I not already said you look fabulous? This babysitting business is doing you wonders."

"Do not patronise me, Severus, not at this hour." Lucius' eye twitched threateningly.

"Where is he then?" he sighed, looking around the room for the familiar whirl of blonde hair that seemed to cause so much damage in such little time.

"Dobby has taken him to play with the peacocks. They need a good startle every now and again to keep them out of the vegetable gardens."

"I'm pretty sure that's what fencing is for, Lucius," Severus mumbled as he took a seat. "Your salary is hardly beyond some timber and nails."

"My salary is none of your business, thank you very much," the man declared with an arrogant jut of his chin. "If you must know, I prefer to spend it on more _social_ habits. Ones which profit me long term; vegetables rot, galleons do not." He unfolded a newspaper from within his waist coat and ruffled it in Severus' direction. "Care for a small wager?"

"I don't gamble, Malfoy; you know this," warned Severus; his look was ominous and only darkened when Lucius smirked conceitedly. _Arrogant fuck. _"Do not look at me like that. Gambling is like a prostitute; it screws you, sends you on your way with a smile and haunts you three weeks later with a terrible itch."

"What have S.T.D's got to do with Quidditch? Is that why you never took that witch I arranged for you on a second date?"

Severus growled. _Why that little…_ "It's a metaphor you arrogant berk and anyway, I thought your wife had forbidden you."

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," Lucius smiled, waving the paper. It crinkled annoyingly. "I'll sweeten things up; if you win, I'll take next weekend all by myself. You won't have to come and help. I'll go solo."

_Don't do it…you're going to regret th- _"And if I lose?"

"Nothing; we commence as normal," Lucius assured with a pristine smile. "Come on, Severus, live a little."

"_One _bet," said Severus, accepting the paper. _Weak bastard._ "Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

* * *

"DUCK!"

Draco screamed louder, running his hand along one of the shelves and knocking every book onto the floor in a flurry of pages. "**IT'S. NOT. A. DUCK**!"

Severus peeked around the edge of his godson's bed, narrowly avoiding a well-aimed hippogriff plushy. They had been hiding – no, stranded – behind the bed for 15 minutes after an attempt to clear away Draco's old toys had gone array. They weren't throwing them out, as Lucius had insisted amidst an air assault of building blocks, they were just making room for more.

The five-year-old showed little interest in their reasoning and soon became a screaming hurricane of uncontrolled magic and ridiculous threats. "I'LL TURN YOU INTO A HOUSE ELF!" he roared at them, stamping on a book about goblins and trolls. He jumped up and down, crushing his feet into the pages with a triumphant grunt each time one ripped.

"Now, Draco, let's talk about this," Lucius said, peering over the mattress so that just his eyes and forehead were seen. "If we move all of these old and tattered looking toys, we can make room for far better ones." A light up pygmy puff bounced off his head and rolled between Severus' feet, blinking on and off. "Brat," he grumbled, retreating behind the bed again and rubbing his head vigorously. "This is your fault."

"Excuse me?"

"Well if you had snuck up the stairs a little more quietly he wouldn't have noticed."

"That is the most ridiculous excuse you have _ever _spun, Malfoy…that's saying something, in case you're wondering!"

"Are you calling me-_ouch! Dammit! _This is ridiculous!" Lucius growled and kicked the wooden block under the bed. He had almost hurled it back in a fit of irritation. "I will not be held captive behind a bed by a five-year-old wielding wooden bricks and soft toys. We are fully grown wizards… I am a father and you are a teacher. We should be winning this war, dammit."

"Attack on three?" Severus suggested, wielding his wand; Lucius nodded. "One…" A splat of purple goo hit the wall near his left ear; it began to flop towards him. "Two…" Lucius grunted when a toy quaffle landed on his groin. "Three!"

They rolled from behind the bed, each of them scuttling to the nearest wall, wands held out right and then….silence.

"Oh for goodness – he's asleep!" Severus snapped, pocketing his wand and striding toward the small blonde figure curled around a shredded book and snoring gently.

Lucius stopped the hovering charms his son had unknowingly placed on the toys. "He's rather impressive, isn't he?" he said fondly, bending down to scoop him up and bring him to the bed.

"Tuck him in and grab a bag – _quietly. _We might as well get the job done while he's sleeping. There'll be less ammunition for him to use when he wakes," Severus suggested, kicking the blob of purple goo that had flopped after him.

* * *

"And then what happened?" Draco urged, his small fingers clinging to the front of Severus' frock coat.

They were perched in one of the fine Queen Ann chairs near the fire; two shaggy wolf hounds nestled near Severus' feet, and Draco kneeled on his lap, grey eyes wider than saucepans with a look of trepidation sweeping his pointed face.

"And then, just as I was about to add the final ingredient, the meddling old coot named Dumbledore appeared in an obnoxious flash of twinkling stars and grand robes; his trademark twi-"

"Did he kill you?" Draco interrupted in a worried tone; his tiny fists shaking the opening of Severus' coat. He needed to know now!

"I managed to escape before he could grab his wand," Severus assured him, peeling the hands from his coat – it was his favourite black one, after all. "But the door was-"

"Did he find the package? What was in it? _Why did you have it_?"

"Draco, calm down," Lucius said from the chair opposite them; he grimaced over the top of his paper at Severus. "And must you bring that insolent man's name into my home? Goodness knows it will be trial enough convincing Narcissa not to allow him attend that run down old castle."

"But the package!" Draco whined, swivelling to meet his father's gaze. "I want to know if Dumbleroar finds his lemon drops or not."

"I'm sure he found them eventually," Lucius said looking scandalised and returned to reading the Quidditch fixtures.

"Uncle Sev'rus ate them all, didn't you?" Draco declared fondly, staring up at his uncle hopefully.

"I'm afraid not," Severus said, batting a hand at Lucius who had held the paper up to show him the fixtures. _Smug bastard has won every bet he placed. _

"Then what? I bet Hogwarts has a _bajillion_ places to hide lemon drops in, right?"

"Then bed," Lucius decided, folding the paper and tucking it under his arm. "We've got a long day tomorrow. Uncle Severus might be cranky if he doesn't get his sleep."

"You said he's always cranky no matter how much sleep he gets," Draco said, sliding from Severus' lap and padding toward his father.

"We mustn't rub it in though," Lucius smirked, hoisting Draco into his arms and hugging him close. "It's only appropriate to laugh at your equals in private, never publically."

"And never family," Draco told him, wrapping his arms around his father's neck and nestling into the familiar comfort. "Uncle Severus is family."

"I suppose you're right," Lucius said, climbing the stairs with a smile. "And I suppose he'll finish that story some other night, too."

* * *

_Thanks for reading. _

_To come: The boys meet._


End file.
